Seriously, I’m at one of the most exclusive schools in the nation. One of the top programs in healthcare. I am facing down kids from some of the best schools in the nation. Being from a public school I find myself sitting there a lot of the time all “How the actual fuck did I get here?” Between moments of terror and “how the fuck am I going to keep up?”
Then it hits me, I scored better on international exams, I have a stronger administrative background and (as I am told) I am sexy as hell.
However the fuck I pulled it off, I no longer care. I am worthwhile (which is a major first for me to think, that and the sexy as hell thing… And to an extent the intelligent thing).
Go me. Also sorry if I’ve been irresponsive, I’ve been super busy. I love you all.
Cornell classes tomorrow. Game on.
Honestly, I don’t know. I thought I did for a long time. Now though. I feel like my heart is lying to fill in the cracks, my mind is rationalizing the lies with overpowering doubt and I am just sitting there like “the fuck am I feeling.”
Ironically though, it is from being treated too well not. People get this delusion that I am perfect and then my heartbreaks as they expect worlds from me. I need not be someone’s everything, just a happy something.
In short, I assume I will know when I know. My hearts a bit fucked right now to be honest.
LIFE HACK: disguise your nervous breakdown as a series of jokes