I have an interview at an Ivy League…. Terrified. Well got about two weeks to stress out…. Hooray me…
I have but due to the erratic mood changes it wouldn’t really help. That is what I’ve been told. Seeing as it was a medical professionals opinion, I shall go unmedicated.
So things are finally looking up for me, or so I thought. Shit things are going great with Ivy league schools, I have an interview tomorrow for an interesting job, and I found a way to say what I needed to take care of me.
Yeah, I tried to take care of myself for once.
So what the fuck happened?
Why can’t I find sleep?
I can feel the blood pumping right beneath the skin. I’m waving goodbye to what is left of my sanity as it slips past the windows of my fucking eyes. I don’t think I’ll ever be alright.
I don’t think that is what lies ahead for me. It would be too fucking kind of the world to let me honestly be happy for more than one fucking minute.
The worst part is, I don’t even have a reason right now. Nothing.
There is no reason for me to NOT be happy. I have searched my mind, I have written everything I could think. I have nothing to blame this feeling on. What does that do? It makes it worse.
I need a change, I’ve had this feeling before. I need to move, get to a new place. I need to get out of where I know myself. I can’t be here anymore.
It is fucking 2:27 AM, I’m not even tired. I just want to go back to my old ways to let myself pass happily to sleep. Though, I think my near 2 years clean isn’t something I should wash down the drain.
Sorry for the long as fuck text post.
Also, sorry for all the cursing. I usually try to keep that to a minimum. I guess I just don’t care right now.